59 of us April 4th 8 of us dyin…this is bombs in the street blowin up when I drive by em or it’s rpg’s launched at me...home of too many soldiers graves.
From this you can tell that these are actually soldiers in the war. 4th25 wants to show that while they may not agree with the reasons of the war, they are still going to fight hard and never give up. “But we don’t fold hands the cards we are dealt get played.” The plan is not to disagree with the government, but instead to bring a new light to the topic because it is so controversial and many of us try to over look it; however, you can’t overlook something that is real life for these men and women.
Media cast and the scoop covered over the answers cause you can’t handle the truth...Plenty of lives lost over a scandal.
The song is created relying a lot on pathos and ethos.
We sleep with body armor blankets...Nights with no supper man home aint promised man, long journeys qualified hell from a promise land.
By using ethos it shows their credibility and the pathos cause us to have empathy. We listen to their cries and are able to feel their pain. Therefore, we stand up for them and plea to bring our soldiers back home. We use the information they give us and voice it to our political leaders here in America. By using the persona ethos it unites us, because not only does the government hear the plea of the soldiers, but also the anger from the American people at the life the soldiers are forced to live.
And there are no blue skies here every color is gray...Sure it’s politics back home here it’s bullets thru our tissue.
The persona is accomplishing the goal of getting people to listen and to see beyond the words of our political leaders. People criticize the military for doing their job, but they are doing nothing wrong but trying to protect our country. “This is nothing yall been thru yall aint seen shit.”
I feel the artist got their message across very successfully. They knew how to get our attention and used to horrors that they experienced to their advantage. However when they began calling people out it did more harm then good, because now those people are likely to no longer have empathy but anger toward them.
True gutters for you fuckers think its gutter where you from, here its life by the second this is everything wrong. This is not your beef on the block it’s not that simple.
Ultimately if the goal was to show the true light and gain support they did that. The persona was able to take his pain and loneliness and bring it to life for us through the song.
Where everybody’s a target when you find out people ain’t hard they just talk shit...And there is no reimbursement for the price we pay.
We will never be able to show our gratitude for the things soldiers go through to ensure our freedom and safety. So the least we could do is show them some support and stop rallying against them. “This is your one mistake being in everybody’s business, whether they see their family or its funeral home visits.”
Live from Iraq.25 October 2007.<http://www.lyricstime.com/4th25-live-from-iraq-lyrics.html>
4 comments:
I liked the organization of where you put all your quotes, but you need to introduce them. You could this by just saying “4th 25th then says, “your quote from song”. I also thought it was interesting how you closed out your final paragraph in ending with a statement their quote with ending letting the artist having the final word. Some of the things though that I think you could work on is being clearer on your statement . One example is reading in your beginning paragraph you say,
“The song is written in first person from a soldier’s eye or even possibly a reporter’s point of view”
The statement could go better in saying that it is from the soldier’s eye because as the essay progresses that is the person that you are talking about. Another example from your paper of a unclear statement is when you use the word ‘if” in this sentence when you say,
“Ultimately if the goal was to show the true light and gain support they did that.”
I believe you could just say that their goal is to show the true and support for their argument about the war. Ultimately the paper was very good but you need to fix the clarity and you need to work on how you present your statements from the artist lyrics.
Tim Howard
Melissa Lovell
I liked your paper and I think that you did some things really well, but I also think there are some things that you could work on a little bit.
When you are introducing a quote you need to have something that leads into the quote. At this point I feel like there are a lot of floating quotations. The quotes that you have in between the paragraphs need to have something in front of them to explain them or something behind it to let us know why you are using the quote and what you feel it means. You also kind of generalize what you think that all Americans feel, yet some Americans do not feel this way. You may just want to say that you feel that way or that some Americans feel that way. I think that it is great that you have incorporated ethos and pathos but you need to explain what they are and what they should be doing. You should also use an example of each from the song. At the current point if I had not been in the English class I would have no clue what ethos and pathos are and that whole paragraph that you wrote would make no sense to me and I may have just quit reading the paper at that point.
You did some things really well in this paper though. You did incorporate quotes into the paper so that the reader could see where you were getting the things you said from. You also put in how you feel about the paper and that is good. Your transitions are good and your paper is well organized. It is easy to follow along with and that makes a paper easier to read and make someone want to read it more than a paper that is very choppy.
I think that you did a good job with your paper!
Sarah,
Your paper is very good, with great ideas. Your quotes also support your paper and what you have to say in it very well. The paper is very organized and your ideas are fluent throughout the paper. Some things you could work on, however, are the quotes. You should try to introduce them. Something like “In the song, 4and25th says…” Something that relates to that would really enhance your paper. Also, you could try and explain the quotes in a clearer manor. Try and elaborate on them more, and tie in ethos, pathos, and logos. Another thing that would enhance your paper is re read it, and place commas in or take some out. For example,” However when they began calling people out it did more harm then good”. There should be a comma after however. Overall, your paper is very strong, and has many good ideas. With these revisions it will boost your argument and make an even better paper. Great job and I enjoyed reading it!
Meredith
I think your paper was very good. I was happy to see that you went outside the box and chose a more difficult song to analyze; which you did a very good job in. The content of your paper was great. The topics you covered were explained very thoroughly and clearly. Also, the organization of your paper was great too. You devoted each paragraph to one idea, instead of throwing a bunch of ideas in one paragraph. Even though your paper was good, you could do a couple of things to make it even better.
One thing that I think you can do is make the paper a little longer. There are some topics that I think you would do a good job in covering if you just put them in your paper. Another thing is your thesis statement. I loved your first paragraph and all the information in it, however, I think at either the beginning or the end of that paragraph you should have a sentence that outlines the whole paper; that way the reader knows what they are getting into.
One example that I think would benefit your paper would be to talk about the audience. Talk about who the audience is, how they would feel upon hearing this song, and what the speaker is trying to tell the audience. Another thing that I think would help your paper is when you have a quote, tell us why you are integrating it; don’t leave it would there to dry, because the audience is not going to know why you are putting it there.
All in all, I think your paper was fantastic! GOOD JOB!
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